Archive for the The Rage Category

My Theme Song

Posted in Bad Ass, Cool Music, The Rage with tags on July 22, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

My sister sent this to me a while ago. What an awesome sister!

I’ve decided to have the video file always open on my desktop, easily asscessible for the next time some *ssh*le pisses me off….

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Beer Heroes, AKA “BEEROES”

Posted in Cultural Education, Making fun of Dumbasses, The Rage with tags , , , , , on April 19, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

One reason not to EVER visit Columbia, MO (as if you needed one):

From Treehugger.com and The Columbia Dispatch (dispatch.com):

Apparently on April 1 (no, not an april fools joke–this actually happened) Scheppers Distributing Co. sent 1,500 cases [that’s right, CASES] of expired beer to a landfill in Columbia in two shipments. The first shipment was destroyed immediately, but the second (containing approximately 700 cases of Busweiser and Michelob Ultra) was still in queue.

Two workers hauled away about 50 of those 700 cases in their trucks, saving the beer from imminent death, and now they are both facing criminal charges. CRIMINAL charges. It seems that in the lovely state of Missouri, once items reach the landfill, they become city property. So these two guys who just wanted to beer that would have otherwise just leaked into the soil amongst heaps of shit, are being accused of stealing city property.

Expired beer.
From a landfill.
Stealing.
Criminal charges.

WTF??? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???

Missouri now takes second place in my list of lamest states in the U.S. (#1 is still Ohio).

(Treehugger.com article)

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/04/save-the-beers-missouri-landfill.php

(The Columbia Dispatch article)
http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/national_world/stories/2010/04/16/cases-of-expired-beer-lifted-from-landfill.html?sid=101

(An actual landfill in Missouri)

Dear Diary: “IBM’s Smarter Planet” Campaign is Misleading

Posted in Making fun of Dumbasses, Reviews, The Rage with tags , , , , , on March 30, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

Dear Diary:

I didn’t even realize the company was still alive—I figured they died out somewhere in the late 90’s. But I started seeing this campaign everywhere, on outdoor billboards, in airports, on subways, and every time I’d think to myself

“really? IBM? Smart?”

but then I’d think “wow Ash, don’t be such an a-hole, maybe they’re making a comeback.”

(Shaking head)

A few months ago, my company was hazed into switching from Microsoft Outlook to Lotus Notes. I repeat, LOTUS NOTES: the IBM equivalent of Outlook. I’d never heard of it prior to this, but turns out Lotus Notes was the “Microsoft Outlook” before Microsoft Outlook.

I’m pretty sure I speak for 700+people when I say that Lotus sucks. It’s terrible. Awful. Just plain DUMB. Actually, I feel a little dumber everyday because I use it.

Are you listening IBM??? LOTUS BLOWS. IT IS THE VERY ANTITHESIS (that means “opposite”) OF SMART.

Proof: We got a company-wide email from our Tech department saying that we had to re-format our Lotus passwords to make our systems more secure. Apparently preexisting Lotus security measures weren’t enough.

When I signed on to Lotus, I received the text box pictured below, and almost threw up while reading it:

I swear it took me at least 5 minutes to create a password that fit these 12 little obscenities.

Diary, if you were to look around people’s cubicles, you’d notice sticky notes with jibberish written on them: our new “secure” passwords we had to write down because they were so damn secure, we can’t remember them. Now I really feel secure.

What a smart solution.

This Deserves a New Category…

Posted in The Rage with tags , , on March 8, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

I HATEĀ  EVERYONE TODAY.

“I Hate Everyone” by Get Set Go is all I’ll be listening to on repeat.

LYRICS:

Some stupid chick in the checkout line

Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes

And some old man who clipped coupons

Had argued whenever they wouldn’t take one

All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes

But I couldn’t take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all

And the people that I meet, I hate you all

And the people that I know, I hate you all

And the people that I don’t, I hate you all

Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off

And gave me the finger when I fucking honked

Then he proceeded to put on the brakes

He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake

When I climbed out of my van he was waiting

But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all

And the people that I meet, I hate you all

And the people that I know, I hate you all

And the people that I don’t, I hate you all

Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I’m kidding

But I promise you its true

I hate most everybody

But most of all I hate

Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all

And the people that I meet, I hate you all

And the people that I know, I hate you all

And the people that I don’t, I hate you all

And the people in the east, I hate you all

And the people I hate least, I hate you all

And the people in the west, I hate you all

And the people I like best, I hate you all

Oh, I hate you all