Archive for the Family Time Category

Craigslist posting that I actually responded to…

Posted in Family Time, Just for fun, Keeping it Real, Unique Encounters with tags on April 19, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

Needed: Fake girlfriend for graduation dinner – m4w – 28 (West Village)
Date: 2010-04-12, 11:51PM EDT
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In four weeks I will graduate from law school. An event at which my parents will (unfortunately) be present. The problem is that my somewhat overbearing mother lives in perpetual fear of dying without grandchildren. (This does not mean I wish to breed with you.) I contribute to my mother’s perpetual fear by remaining perpetually single. However, for graduation, an event that she has anticipated for years, I would love to give her the impression that there is hope for me yet. Plus, I am in desperate need of a buffer.

The plan is:

On Wednesday May 12th, you, an intelligent and reasonably personable young lady, will accompany me to my formal graduation dinner with my parents. The dinner is at ********, formal attire required. There will be an open bar (it’d be great if you know how to hold your liquor). All you have to do is make witty and pleasant conversation with my slightly insane but friendly folks, in which I will assist to the best of my abilities.

A little bit about me: I am a friendly young man who struggles with the fact that most people at law school kind of, in all honesty, suck. I’m heading off to work at the public defenders office in ***** at the end of the summer. Contrary to all positive impressions of the lawyering profession, doing something decent with your degree isn’t all that popular. Thus, there ain’t no good law school dates to be found. I’m capable of a good conversation on pretty much anything, but especially anything involving philosophy, comics, how the Catholic Church crushes the dreams of little deaf boys, or baseball (among other things).

There is obviously no expectation of anything other than your company for what ought to be a delightful evening.

Basically, I’m hoping this will be fun. We’ll get to pretend for an evening that we’re in some sort of awesome, auspicious relationship, and my folks will freakin love it. I get the benefit of a lovely and sociable buffer to make my evening more bearable, and you get a delicious dinner and an open bar plus the chance to dress up and be appreciated for it. There will be dancing (but I can only promise to dance moderately well). Then we’ll have a good laugh, maybe an extra drink or two, and call it an evening.

Send me an email if you’re interested.

Please, no crazies. (Dear god, no crazies.) This is a very legit offer and an important event, so it would be great if you didn’t OD in the bathroom. Cheers.

PostingID: 1689592186

How could I not respond? Poor kid, I felt so bad for him. Yet I was so IMPRESSED that he posted this…talk about keeping it real. Moreover, this is the most well-written posting on Craigslist I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading…

So I had to tell him.

Soon we will meet for coffee and see if we can come up with some elaborate story of how we met involving stolen cars, international intrigue, and unicorns.

You might be wondering “what is Ashley getting out of this?”

1. Dinner
2. Drinks
3. A chance to dress up and look pretty
4. The opportunity to snag a lawyer or two, or three…
(they’ll be like sitting ducks…unknowing…it’s almost too easy)
3. At least 2 or 3 blog posts

🙂

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My Very Own Commercial

Posted in Family Time, Just for fun, Making fun of Dumbasses, Videos on April 18, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

My little sister, currently studying abroad in Spain, found a Spanish commercial that she likes to watch whenever she misses me.

Apparently, if I had my own commercial, this is what it would be:

I watched, and puzzled, I was dumb enough to ask her “what exactly is it that reminds you of me??” Her reply:

1. “First off, the dolphin is CLEARLY retarded”
2. “The voice is DEAD ON, even the singing and intonation
3. “Thirdly, the dolphin makes no sense, but he’s SO HAPPY.

“That’s you in a nut shell man.”

LOL I can’t even argue with her because first, she’s right and second, she’s in Spain so….ya.
For those gringos that read my blog, the dolphin is saying:

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor
I’m a dolphin
I’m a dolphin

I was singing it in the shower all morning…..

Lindsey’s Latest “Dear Diary”

Posted in Family Time with tags , , on March 31, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

Dear Diary,

Last night I became belligerently drunk and threw water balloon condoms at people off of my balcony again. It was great except one of the condoms had a big hole in it (dodged a baby there) and I woke up still drunk this morning. I thought an Asian man whom is supposed to be my new room mate opened my door, screamed, and then walked out. I have been waiting for him to come out ever since, but no luck. I wanted to welcome him to Madrid and take him out for food but there is still no trace of him.

I have considered several options to lure him out:

A. I could cook something specifically designed to lure out an Asian, but rice doesn’t smell strongly enough to get his attention.

B. I could walk around naked because Asian’s love blonde girls, but I don’t smell strongly enough to get his attention.

or

C. I could do math problems out loud in order to coax him from his solitude–but math problems don’t smell strongly enough to get his attention (also, I don’t know if I have the numerical prowess to pull this off.)

Knocking on his door is completely out of the question.

“I’m Not Your Toy” by La Roux

Posted in Cool Music, Family Time with tags , , on March 24, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

A song I heard recently that’s not bad…

(This one goes out to Kennedy. I wish I could see her dance!!!)

(Left to Right: Lindsey and Kennedy. CUTE!!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!!!!

Posted in Family Time, Just for fun, Personal on March 10, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

YAAAAAY!!!!

Omg this shizzz sparkles…I should get extra points for that.

Dear Jack:

1. You are not old. When you hit 50, THEN you are old. And when you actually do hit 50, I’ll tell you that you aren’t really old until you reach 60. hahaha…

2.RE: The lady at the bank that looked at your ID, then looked at you, wished you happy birthday and said you looked good. That was a compliment. And coming from a woman who was a stranger, there really is no higher compliment. Take the compliment, dammit.

3. Nobody would know you were my older sister if I didn’t always introduce you as my older sister. LOL.

4. My favorite quote so far in regards to your birthday came from Lindsey. No surprise there. Here goes:

Terry (lindsey’s ex-BF): “I hope you look like Jack when you’re 25.”

Lindsey: “Um, she’s not 25. But she IS my sister”

Awkward.

I’m So Happy

Posted in Family Time, Sexy Time with tags , , , on February 27, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

That my parents moved to the East Coast, allowing their children to visit more often. Allowing for more family time–moments, like below, that I’ll cherish forever.

Mom: “Geeze Ash, you’re so white! You look like a prostitute.”

Me and Jack: “Whaaat?”

Mom: “You know, cause they only come out at night.”

Thanks Mom.

(Still trying to make the connection…)

(I’m working on my pale, like my girl Dita)

Tsunami Warning in Hawaii

Posted in Family Time, Personal with tags , , , , , on February 27, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

There was a tsunami warning issued in Hawaii this morning at 6am due to the earthquake in Chile.  My brother Christopher has been living in Honolulu for the last decade or so, now with his wife and 1 year old daughter.. Fortunately, Hawaii is pretty prepared for this sort of thing, and 50 ft waves are just another surf opportunity. The Irons brothers are probably securing a helicopter to be dropped in…

Regardless, we still worry. So Jack, Eric and I all call him (separately) to tell him some important things before the estimated time the tsunami will hit:

(me): You know how I said on Thursday that I hope a bird takes a big sh*t on your car? Ya…I didn’t mean it man. Also, I don’t want that to be the last thing I said to you.

(Jack):  “You know how I said you were adopted? I was just kidding man. You weren’t adopted. Also, the carpet you got blamed for burning when we were 10? That was me.”

(Chris: to Eric): “Do you have anything to confess?”

(Eric): “Ya: the last game of chess we played–I threw the game and let you win”