Sentence:  “Every Sunday morning my mom b*tches that I don’t go to church with her. I keep telling her I prefer to practice mattress worship because services run all day.”

Sentence: “I tried to talk to my date last night about the theory of relativity but it looked like his head might explode. I guess he’s not into intellectual masturbation.”

Sentence: “Yo, Andrew had sex with his doppelbanger last night. It freaked me out man…she was like, him, but with boobs.”

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