Archive for April, 2010

“The Man” I will fight forever

Posted in Making fun of Dumbasses with tags , , on April 27, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible


Me: “Hey you, Tim James…wanna hear a joke?”

Tim James: “Oh yes, tell me!”

Me: “The South.”

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My favorite 4/20 Texts From Last Night:

Posted in Bad Ass, Cultural Education, Just for fun, Keeping it Real with tags , , , , , , , on April 23, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

(609): [New Jersey]

Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

Therapeutic.

(202): [Washington DC]

I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. I was like “that’s a lot of white dudes… and they’re really into snacking.”

Word.

(516): [New York]

Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me…

He/She should be proud.

(719): [Colorado]

Is it sad that I woke up to more “Happy Holidays” texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

Marijuana > baby jesus, so…no.

(203): [Sketchy Connecticut]

Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

Market that shizzz…

(901): [Tennessee]

He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

Holy hell…a 420 gift basket. That is so damn sweet, I’m teary eyed just thinking about it. You hear that friends? Now you know what to get me next year… (substitute spicy buffalo wings for the cheesestake. Thanks.)

(978): [Massachusetts]

almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isn’t a get out of jail free card

[scratching head]…it isn’t???

(+31): [Netherlands]

No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

Luckiest.

Bastard.

Alive.

(858): [California]

Dude, we’re at Einstein’s Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

Sometimes I miss California.

(310): [California] *Personal Favorite*

So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

I asked myself the exact same question.

*BELOW*

Students at CU Boulder celebrate 420. No, that is NOT fog.

Collegecandy.com

Beer Heroes, AKA “BEEROES”

Posted in Cultural Education, Making fun of Dumbasses, The Rage with tags , , , , , on April 19, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

One reason not to EVER visit Columbia, MO (as if you needed one):

From Treehugger.com and The Columbia Dispatch (dispatch.com):

Apparently on April 1 (no, not an april fools joke–this actually happened) Scheppers Distributing Co. sent 1,500 cases [that’s right, CASES] of expired beer to a landfill in Columbia in two shipments. The first shipment was destroyed immediately, but the second (containing approximately 700 cases of Busweiser and Michelob Ultra) was still in queue.

Two workers hauled away about 50 of those 700 cases in their trucks, saving the beer from imminent death, and now they are both facing criminal charges. CRIMINAL charges. It seems that in the lovely state of Missouri, once items reach the landfill, they become city property. So these two guys who just wanted to beer that would have otherwise just leaked into the soil amongst heaps of shit, are being accused of stealing city property.

Expired beer.
From a landfill.
Stealing.
Criminal charges.

WTF??? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???

Missouri now takes second place in my list of lamest states in the U.S. (#1 is still Ohio).

(Treehugger.com article)

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/04/save-the-beers-missouri-landfill.php

(The Columbia Dispatch article)
http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/national_world/stories/2010/04/16/cases-of-expired-beer-lifted-from-landfill.html?sid=101

(An actual landfill in Missouri)

Craigslist posting that I actually responded to…

Posted in Family Time, Just for fun, Keeping it Real, Unique Encounters with tags on April 19, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

Needed: Fake girlfriend for graduation dinner – m4w – 28 (West Village)
Date: 2010-04-12, 11:51PM EDT
Reply To This Post

In four weeks I will graduate from law school. An event at which my parents will (unfortunately) be present. The problem is that my somewhat overbearing mother lives in perpetual fear of dying without grandchildren. (This does not mean I wish to breed with you.) I contribute to my mother’s perpetual fear by remaining perpetually single. However, for graduation, an event that she has anticipated for years, I would love to give her the impression that there is hope for me yet. Plus, I am in desperate need of a buffer.

The plan is:

On Wednesday May 12th, you, an intelligent and reasonably personable young lady, will accompany me to my formal graduation dinner with my parents. The dinner is at ********, formal attire required. There will be an open bar (it’d be great if you know how to hold your liquor). All you have to do is make witty and pleasant conversation with my slightly insane but friendly folks, in which I will assist to the best of my abilities.

A little bit about me: I am a friendly young man who struggles with the fact that most people at law school kind of, in all honesty, suck. I’m heading off to work at the public defenders office in ***** at the end of the summer. Contrary to all positive impressions of the lawyering profession, doing something decent with your degree isn’t all that popular. Thus, there ain’t no good law school dates to be found. I’m capable of a good conversation on pretty much anything, but especially anything involving philosophy, comics, how the Catholic Church crushes the dreams of little deaf boys, or baseball (among other things).

There is obviously no expectation of anything other than your company for what ought to be a delightful evening.

Basically, I’m hoping this will be fun. We’ll get to pretend for an evening that we’re in some sort of awesome, auspicious relationship, and my folks will freakin love it. I get the benefit of a lovely and sociable buffer to make my evening more bearable, and you get a delicious dinner and an open bar plus the chance to dress up and be appreciated for it. There will be dancing (but I can only promise to dance moderately well). Then we’ll have a good laugh, maybe an extra drink or two, and call it an evening.

Send me an email if you’re interested.

Please, no crazies. (Dear god, no crazies.) This is a very legit offer and an important event, so it would be great if you didn’t OD in the bathroom. Cheers.

PostingID: 1689592186

How could I not respond? Poor kid, I felt so bad for him. Yet I was so IMPRESSED that he posted this…talk about keeping it real. Moreover, this is the most well-written posting on Craigslist I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading…

So I had to tell him.

Soon we will meet for coffee and see if we can come up with some elaborate story of how we met involving stolen cars, international intrigue, and unicorns.

You might be wondering “what is Ashley getting out of this?”

1. Dinner
2. Drinks
3. A chance to dress up and look pretty
4. The opportunity to snag a lawyer or two, or three…
(they’ll be like sitting ducks…unknowing…it’s almost too easy)
3. At least 2 or 3 blog posts

🙂

My Very Own Commercial

Posted in Family Time, Just for fun, Making fun of Dumbasses, Videos on April 18, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

My little sister, currently studying abroad in Spain, found a Spanish commercial that she likes to watch whenever she misses me.

Apparently, if I had my own commercial, this is what it would be:

I watched, and puzzled, I was dumb enough to ask her “what exactly is it that reminds you of me??” Her reply:

1. “First off, the dolphin is CLEARLY retarded”
2. “The voice is DEAD ON, even the singing and intonation
3. “Thirdly, the dolphin makes no sense, but he’s SO HAPPY.

“That’s you in a nut shell man.”

LOL I can’t even argue with her because first, she’s right and second, she’s in Spain so….ya.
For those gringos that read my blog, the dolphin is saying:

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor
I’m a dolphin
I’m a dolphin

I was singing it in the shower all morning…..

E-Mails from an Asshole

Posted in Bad Ass, Just for fun, Making fun of Dumbasses with tags , , on April 18, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

dontevenreply.com: not a new website: apparently it’s been around for a few years now. However, it’s new to me, so I’m sharing it with you. A friend sent this at work and it cracked me up. My favorite is the tissue box…

PS WHO WOULD POST A WANTED AD FOR DISGUISED WEAPONRY???? REALLY????

http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84

Don’t judge me

Posted in Just for fun, Videos with tags , , , on April 17, 2010 by indomitablyirresistible

I don’t know why, I just can’t get enough of these videos