Dear Diary: “IBM’s Smarter Planet” Campaign is Misleading

Dear Diary:

I didn’t even realize the company was still alive—I figured they died out somewhere in the late 90’s. But I started seeing this campaign everywhere, on outdoor billboards, in airports, on subways, and every time I’d think to myself

“really? IBM? Smart?”

but then I’d think “wow Ash, don’t be such an a-hole, maybe they’re making a comeback.”

(Shaking head)

A few months ago, my company was hazed into switching from Microsoft Outlook to Lotus Notes. I repeat, LOTUS NOTES: the IBM equivalent of Outlook. I’d never heard of it prior to this, but turns out Lotus Notes was the “Microsoft Outlook” before Microsoft Outlook.

I’m pretty sure I speak for 700+people when I say that Lotus sucks. It’s terrible. Awful. Just plain DUMB. Actually, I feel a little dumber everyday because I use it.

Are you listening IBM??? LOTUS BLOWS. IT IS THE VERY ANTITHESIS (that means “opposite”) OF SMART.

Proof: We got a company-wide email from our Tech department saying that we had to re-format our Lotus passwords to make our systems more secure. Apparently preexisting Lotus security measures weren’t enough.

When I signed on to Lotus, I received the text box pictured below, and almost threw up while reading it:

I swear it took me at least 5 minutes to create a password that fit these 12 little obscenities.

Diary, if you were to look around people’s cubicles, you’d notice sticky notes with jibberish written on them: our new “secure” passwords we had to write down because they were so damn secure, we can’t remember them. Now I really feel secure.

What a smart solution.

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